2 Drink Minimum
Posted on: June 14, 2016
The bar is small, dark, and trite, nestled in a strip mall between a prosperous and garish Korean nail salon and the upscale Gourdough’s Public House. This bar is not upscale. It survives precisely because it’s a hole people can climb into and pull over themselves.
It’s as anonymous as porn theater sex. It has no windows, no sign over the door, no chipped and faded little cigarette-company decal with a penguin proclaiming Come on in, it’s KOOL inside! The metal door is old and rusted, dented here and there, with two punctures that let in rain. It works with a scream of protest, just like most of the bar’s patrons.
The place has weathered barn wood nailed to the wall at the far end, and a few dart players of unreliable skill throw feathered projectiles at a target hung from a nail. A ragged color printout of someone’s ex-wife is taped over the ten-ring, encouraging accuracy. Most of the darts embed into the barn wood anyway.
As a celluloid Nick the Bartender said to the you-never-existed George Bailey in It’s a Wonderful Life, this too is a place where men, and now women, are hard customers who come to drink hard liquor, and get drunk. If you can’t drink at least two, you are out of your league here. Go next door to Gourdough’s where there is better lighting and you can order your fucking Mojito.
Coincidentally, the bartender here is also named Nick. He hasn’t mixed a White Russian in two years. There was that Manhattan last month, but it was served to a regular who followed up with a triple Lagavulin neat. The woman’s date never showed—married prick, got cold feet. After almost two years on that bar stool, she never came back.
This is a destination bar, where men and women often meet with others not their spouse. Couples huddle in booths around the perimeter of the main room. A few more sit at booths and a few tables in satellite rooms even darker than the main area. There are other regulars, too. You can buy or sell information here, or plan some deal, but don’t get caught with dope or it’s your ass. If someone calls in looking for a customer—a frantic wife, an angry husband—no one is ever there. Sorry, really busy. Take a message?
Detective Inspector Douglas Lee Pavlichek is distinguishable from the other customers only to the bartender. Nick has served the cop booze since he came on the job; through two marriages, three killed partners and six promotions. He does a very passable simulation of a businessman, with his Abboud suits and Burberry trench coat. The homicide cops are well known to be natty dressers, and Pavlichek does his part. You need nice suits when you go to your partners’ funerals. Pavlichek doesn’t have a terrible average, though, for his thirty-two years. That works out to less than one dead partner per decade. But after he lost Mooney, Pavlichek decided he’d rather work solo. He’s on the glide slope to a disappointing retirement anyway, so the bosses agreed.
He also doesn’t care about any two-drink minimum, because Detective Pavlichek hasn’t had two or fewer drinks at a sitting since 12th grade, when he partied so hard that he barely graduated. Only Mrs. Ellsworth had saved that, allowing a retake of the final exam over the angry objections of Mr. Crawford, the so-called “guidance counselor” who hated Pavlichek since he was a southmore. That’s how they say it here, southmore, not sophomore. So he passed with a D-plus—still hadn’t studied—and drew the Logan green cap and gown to make the high school perp walk with almost a thousand other seniors that year.
Here’s a piece of info for that next lull in class reunion conversation: Today, a man named Logan Green is the co-founder and chief executive officer of the ride-sharing service Lyft.
No, that doesn’t mean anything. Nothing does.
Pavlichek doodles on a bar napkin. When he looks up, Nick is already watching him. The detective waves an index finger in airy, imperfect circles, ordering another round. Nick pulls a Stroh’s from an ornate tap and then pours an extra-double Johnny Walker Black while the beer foam settles. By the time Pavlichek survived the summer after high school, he could drink a whole fifth of Johnny Walker Black and still be just walking-around high, could drive and everything. That time he wrecked his car down the street from Griff’s house, where Griff’s mother always bought the party alcohol, the local uniforms didn’t even know he was wasted. That was the first time Pavlichek thought about a career in police work.
Police work is how he describes it, because cops will tell you honestly, in quiet moments, that “law enforcement” isn’t the same thing. Rookies do law enforcement; veterans do police work. Police work maintains order and keeps people safe and free, keeps the jackoffs in their own districts, at least. Those lofty goals are not always the purview of laws, so most cops don’t enforce laws. They do police work.
Pavlichek’s phone buzzes in an inside-left coat pocket, but he doesn’t have to look at it to know who it is. His personal cell is in the inside-right pocket, but it never buzzes. He downs the scotch at once, then powers down the beer.
“Gotta run, Nick. Work,” he says. He leaves a fifty on the bar, because if you tip a bartender well now, he tips a cop well later. Pavlichek gets only two steps away before turning back to Nick.
“Hey, you havin’ a good day, man?”
Nick shrugs. “Yeah. I guess. You know, it is what it is.”
“You are right about that.” Pavlichek waves a two-finger salute and turns to the door. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”
“Okay, Inspector,” Nick says. He wipes wet rings from the polished surface of the bar and picks up the napkin. Pavlichek has carefully torn up the business card of the department psychologist and left it in a perfect teepee of matte pasteboard on the bar.
On the napkin, Pavlichek has drawn the crude image of a handgun shooting a bullet through a cartoon badge, and all around it, over and over, he’s written the words Kill me now.
Written by: Daniel Charles Ross
Photograph by: Chris Boyles
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Life is a Winding Road
Posted on: April 28, 2016
I am trying to decide, when I hear someone honk and say, “Come on lady! Move your car!”
I yell back, “Give me a minute! I haven't decided!”
“I don't care, just drive,” he says. Do I drive or let him go around me? Is this a sign that I should just go? I step on the gas.
It’s been three hours. I wonder if my parents will notice that I am gone, or even care. The voice in my head replays the argument my mother and I had before I left.
“Are you ever going to become an adult?”
“Are you ever going to become an adult role model I can look up to?”
What would it be like if there were auditions for adulthood? You could either have a call back or not make the cut, which would mean you would have to wait for another production of “life.” I probably won’t make the cut, because my mom didn’t rehearse the lines with me. If I tried to explain my relationship with my mom, it would sound like a cliché lifetime movie. My mother and I have a love/hate relationship: she tries to love me more and I try to hate her less.
Sure, my mom and I have had three or four mother-daughter moments.There was one time we went on a really fast roller coaster to the point where I thought we were going to be sick. In the end, we did get sick, but it was worth it. Another time on a family vacation, we went swimming in the ocean, and came out with seaweed all of over us. But all of that was before she found out that I was going to be the biggest disappointment in her life.
My dad and I don’t really talk. I think I make him uncomfortable. I don’t think he knows what to say to me or how to deal with me when I get myself into what they like to call an "anxiety headache situation." Whereas I like to call it "enjoying my youth," they interpret my every move as proof I don't give a damn about what I do with my life. But they don’t know the real me. I am very organized and responsible when it comes to school--all my binders are on point. When it comes to my boyfriend, Jess, I make sure I make time for him, but not so much that I get behind and stray from my academic studies. I make sure all my college apps are in on time, and I still manage to make time to relax without stressing too much about my grades. But they don’t think I am responsible in my studies, because I am not bringing home the grades they want to see, and I don’t compare to their expectations. So she makes subtle comments that make me feel like shit.
My mom has always told me she would be proud of me in anything I do ... as long as I come home on the honors list and get into an Ivy League school. They always wanted me to be the perfect child who they could brag about to all their friends. Some people might think my parents just want more for me than they had in their own lives, but they had everything. They graduated from Cornell and became well-known lawyers. The day I come home with an acceptance letter from Dartmouth, they will be proud to call me their daughter, but until then, it’s like they’ve disowned me.
When I was growing up, I would see my friend's parents tell them they loved them or hug them goodbye on their first day of school. I’ve never heard my mother or father say "I love you," not to each other or to me. On my first day of school, they wouldn’t even walk me inside. They told me they had to get to work and I would have to go in alone and, "have a good day, see you at 2:30." I was like, "Okay great, I'm only in kindergarten, but I guess I will try to figure out when 2:30 is."
I get so jealous of my friends and their families, talking about stuff they did in school and actually being interested in each other's lives. When my friends come over for dinner, my parents interrogate them about their futures and then make disappointed comments..
Once my friend Julie was over, and my dad says, “Julie, have you started thinking about where you want to go to college, or what you want to do when you graduate?”
Julie says, “I haven’t given it much thought...maybe doing some courses online and then traveling the world a little bit.”
My mom chimes in, “That’s what you want to do with your life?”
Julie’s face turns bright red and she says, “Well, yeah. My parents think it’s okay.”
Under my breath I say, “Wish I knew what that felt like.”
My parents roll their eyes and say, “Stop being so dramatic.”
I stop and grab some gas before I keep driving. I turn around to grab my wallet and see my small carry-on bag on the back seat, with not many clothes in it and not many toiletries. I had to pack lightly, because I needed to leave quickly this morning. Even though I ran away and don’t know what I am going to do, all I know is that there is no way in hell I am ever returning to that place I used to call my home. The day I packed my things, grabbed the car keys, and drove was the best day in my entire life.
Written by: Jen Meltzer
Photograph by: Fabrice Poussin
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Flick of the Wrist
Posted on: February 5, 2015
The house was empty. As Quinn walked through the garage she found that both of her parents’ vehicles were missing. Usually, by the time she walked back from school her father was already home and preparing dinner, cleaning the vegetables and ridding the meat of every ounce of fat. Her mother would then pull in the driveway 40 minutes later and review all of Quinn’s homework before stepping in to relieve her father of his cooking duties. Quinn had forgotten about the revealing of the new wing in her mother’s hospital this evening, which both parents were required to attend.
Her brother’s car was also nowhere to be seen, which meant he most likely stayed behind at school to help prep for play rehearsals. Either that, or he was busy getting high at his friend Pat’s house. He could get away with things like that.
Quinn had a reputation to uphold, a schedule to keep. Her entire life had become a dictated routine. Everything her parents expected of her, or everything she thought they expected of her, she became. Day after day she lost pieces of herself in order to fit into the mold that had been prepared for her. Her parents knew who she would be from the time she was conceived and had her every life decision mapped out in color-coordinated files.
In reality, Quinn didn’t know who she was anymore. The only thing she knew was that she needed relief from expectations – and she knew just where to find it.
Her first respite from parental pressure was an accident that occurred during her pre-bed shower – the only time that was hers alone. Quinn could wash and shave in just under ten minutes, so she used the rest of her time to remove every mask she wore throughout the day: the cheerleading captain, the Honors student, the “perfect” child. The steady beating of the water from the showerhead drowned out her sobs as she sat on the shower floor hugging her knees. As Quinn pulled herself up, she lost her footing and slipped backwards.
Once she sat up, she began to feel the tiniest ounce of relief. It started slow, the pain that ebbed through her every nerve dissipating. As she looked to the floor, she noticed a thin crimson stream weaving its way through the current to the drain. Reaching beneath her, she pulled her detached razor blade from the once supple skin of her thigh. It had embedded itself in her flesh after being knocked loose in her fall. Quinn was nervous at first, but she also felt a solace that was too sweet a drug to deny.
Instead of taking the time to write in her journal as she used to, Quinn now transformed her body into her journal; practicing calligraphy on her inner thighs and underarms as they became the alternating front and back pages, her wrists the footnotes.
Her mind was spinning, thoughts racing at a dizzying pace. Everything inside of her hurt, and the ache was more than she could bear. Quinn relished in the fact that today she had at least an hour to herself, if not more. She opened her bedroom door just enough to throw her bags from school and cheerleading inside, then headed straight for the bathroom. She turned on the shower, but not the fan. She liked the way the room filled with steam and made the air almost too thick to breathe. She stepped into the tub letting the near-boiling water scald her skin. As it cascaded around her, she let every thought she’d harbored and rejected throughout the day come rising to the surface. Every conversation in her mind that was stifled to pay attention in class, every dismissal from those around her, every emotion she had to cut off to appear normal, every twitch, tick, and anxiety attack she had to restrain; she let them all come flooding in. With every line she drew into her upper thighs she allowed it all to rise up in chaos and ooze out of her skin; her crosshatching marking every thought and feeling screaming for a way out. She shook less, she began to calm.
Finally, she could breathe.
She was able to concentrate on the sound and feeling of her lungs filling and deflating, like hearing music for the first time.
As she sat emptying herself beneath the steady shower, she felt the beauty of her etchings that followed the lines of her veins and sinews. Her body had become a braille novel, but she was the only one blind enough to read it.
By the time she pulled herself out of the shower the entire room was filled with a steamy fog. She loved walking through it, feeling high, as though she were stepping into a dream. She couldn’t help the smile as it spread across her face as she opened the door and it all came rolling out like an avalanche across the floor and down through the hall until it disappeared into the coolness of the fresh air.
The blood was still trickling down her legs as she walked to her room. She kept a drawer of fabric bandages to help the cuts clot and close. She had read up on how much blood loss was too much and how to take proper care of knife wounds. She was usually very careful, but on this rare occasion she had let herself go a little too far. She was glad to be able to let these fresh journal entries air out rather than suffocate and itch, hiding under her varsity sweatpants.
Quinn was so wrapped up in her release, she was halfway to her dresser before she noticed that her window was open. It wasn’t until she turned toward the gentle breeze that she recognized Celia sitting cross-legged on her bed. She watched her friend’s smile turn to shock.
“Quinn…What happened?”
Written by: Julia Hy
Photograph by: Jaemin Riley
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Before the Sun Sets
Posted on: May 27, 2014
The text notification light on her phone blinked brightly. Grace must’ve slept through the familiar ping ping sound it made.
did u hear aaron from hs was killed last week?
Grace had to flip through her mental yearbook. Aaron Crawford? That was the only Aaron she could recall.
what happened??
She stretched and browsed her emails while she waited for a response.
botched burglary apparently
How terrible, Grace thought. For a moment she felt her heart drop and she thought she might cry, but she didn't and got up to get ready for work instead.
As she idled on the subway platform, memories of Aaron came to her in snapshots. There wasn’t enough to draw from for Grace to create a more animated memory of him. It was always a static image. And yet, she did recall he was plain looking, but not unattractive. He was also tall, and broad-shouldered, and Grace wondered how big the burglar must’ve been in order to have taken Aaron down.
Grace lifted her hand as her train grinded by. The loud screeching of metal against metal seemed distant, though it wasn’t. Stainless steel, glass, and light blurred by less than a foot away from her. Her hand hovered gently over the speeding train, garnering wayward glances from her fellow commuters who unconsciously shuffled back.
The veil of life is thin.
The crowded train jostled her against the wall of warm bodies that surrounded her, forcing a physical intimacy she rarely shared even with her closest friends and family.
How many people on this car are carrying knives? Or anything sharp for that matter?
She caught the eye of the man sitting in front of her and imagined what it would be like if he were to stab her at that moment. There was nothing she could do to prevent it. Grace shook away the dark thought as she pulled her leather bag tightly against her chest.
At her desk, Grace sipped her latte. She barely remembered waiting in line at the coffee shop downstairs or the barista from whom she ordered her drink. It had all become part of her daily routine, her life had become one big reaction, and she knew it. But she accepted it without a fight. This was life. She saved up her money, looking forward to her vacations and occasional shopping sprees.
It’s enough to be alive.
She logged onto Facebook as she did every morning, browsing the generally mundane happenings of every person that had grazed her life. The top posts were all remembrances on Aaron’s Facebook wall. She hadn’t even realized they were friends on the social networking site.
She scrolled through the litany of messages -- “we will miss you” and “you’re in heaven now” and so on and so forth. And she clicked on the text box to type her own message to the ghost of Aaron’s Facebook profile page. As she paused to consider what she would say, staring blankly at the blinking cursor, she realized how inappropriate anything she could say would be.
Who am I to be sad?
And as Grace doubted her right to that emotion – the emotion she felt was reserved for Aaron’s friends, his family, not his acquaintances, not strangers – she questioned whether she was sad at all.
Her day proceeded as it always had, but Grace couldn’t shake the feeling that it had turned into a murmur of itself. Snapshots of Aaron continued to come to mind at random intervals, even when she thought she had finally forgotten about the whole ordeal. It was around noon when she realized she wasn’t remembering Aaron at all. She was remembering photographs of Aaron, actual photographs of him that she had probably seen online, posted by mutual friends.
Had we even known each other?
Her workday ended around five. It was still light out as she left her office building.
How was your day? Someone would ask.
Same old, nothing new. Grace would respond, but then she would realize and continue, Well, Aaron died.
With a great deal of concern, Someone would ask, Who’s Aaron?
She would hesitate before replying, I’m not sure, but we went to school together.
Grace wasn’t certain where she was going, but her stop on the Upper East Side came and went, and yet she rode on. It was only after the train came above ground – a curiosity primarily of the outer boroughs – that Grace realized she was on her way to her old Forest Hills neighborhood. It was bucolic for an urban suburb, with its heavily tree-lined streets and unusual quiet. She hadn’t been back since she went off to college almost ten years ago. Her parents moved out soon after she left, and most of her close friends migrated into the city proper. There had been no reason for her to return. Yet, as she got off the 75th Avenue station, she navigated through the streets as if she had never left. Grace found herself unexpectedly in front of a house she recognized, but not her own.
This is where the Crawfords lived.
It was getting dark now, the streetlights were clicking on. She had never really forgotten about that sky blue house with its bright red door. She only needed to be reminded. Grace wondered if Aaron’s parents still lived there and imagined that they did.
It was early spring. The trees had just begun to sprout their new leaves. Some leaves had already fallen, still green, but separated now from their only source of life. For the first time that day, a paralyzing sadness and anger overwhelmed her. She still wasn’t certain if those emotions were for Aaron.
Written by: Sam Chow
Photograph by: Daniel Vidal
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Peachy
Posted on: April 17, 2014
9:59 PM
Jennifer’s head is turned towards the window and she has to squint to see — she's blind without her glasses. She closes her eyes and lets out one last breathe as if to say "I'm ready."
"Owwu"
…
"Oh"
…
"What happened?"
…
"I'm done."
"That wasn't so bad. I expected worse. It hurt, but in the good kinda way, ya know? Claire told me it would be like that,” said Jennifer.
“Ugh, Claireee…” Tom says under his breath with a hint of disgust.
“Well, thank you," she says sheepishly, not knowing what else to do.
After an embarrassing peck on the cheek, he leaves.
***
"Dude, but I'm pretty sure she was looking at the clock," Tom says shaking his head.
"Nah man, I'm sure she didn't. Don't worry."
"Well I looked. One minute. One fucking minute. Actually, a little less but I have to round up. That's okay, right?"
"Yeah man, chill out. It's happens to everyone. You'll get better and she'll want more," Chris says, nodding and grinning.
Chris is kind of creepy but he's Tom's friend and Tom needs support right now.
It’s been 16 hours now since Tom lost his virginity to Jennifer. Tom has had his eye on Jennifer since the eighth grade. He loved her smile, her eyes, her hair and the way she dressed. She had an annoying voice, everyone thought so too, but he didn’t care.
They started as friends in English class and Tom was always there for her, stuck in the friend zone. He was okay with this though. He figured this was good enough; he thought she was way out of his league anyway.
As terrible as this was, he saw the friend zone as an investment – a term he heard his dad throw around a lot and one that he quickly adopted. It made him feel smart. An investment that he thought, may, pay its dividends (another one of those words) further down the road but one that he was willing to take a loss on if nothing played out.
It was the last thing he expected but he just struck gold. Except, it was like he spent all the gold on one lame night in an arcade instead of a crazy trip to Vegas. It was anticlimactic and he was embarrassed. He had no idea how he’d ever look at Jennifer again.
***
“Claire.”
Jennifer rolls her eyes.
“Claire.”
“CLAIRE,” Jennifer sternly whisper-yells.
Claire is too busy wrapping her lips around a sucker while looking over her shoulder at Jason to hear her name.
Jennifer nudges Claire’s shoulder, says something about how dirty she is and then finally lets it out.
“I lost my virginity last night,” says Jennifer.
“To Jeremy?” she asks.
“Ew! Gross!” Jennifer says. “To Tom.”
“Oh, I would do it with Jeremy,” Claire says, not impressed. “Well, how was it?”
“I was so embarrassed. And kinda scared and it was just like you said it would be and it kinda hurt but it felt good in that weird way like you said and it felt like it lasted forever. I couldn’t look at him though. I looked out the window. At the stars. It was really nice.”
“Eww,” Claire says. “You’re so lame.”
Claire isn’t the best of friends, but she’s Jennifer’s friend and she obviously needs some support right now.
It’s been 16 hours now since Jennifer lost her virginity to Tom. Jennifer has had her eye on Tom for years. Since the eighth grade actually. She didn’t know what it was. Maybe it was his smile, his eyes, his hair or maybe it was the way that he always wore cargo shorts and a hoodie no matter how warm or cold it was outside. Everyone thought he was a little nerdy, and you know what, maybe he was, but she didn’t care.
They started as friends in English class and Tom was always there for her. She had quickly put him in the friend zone but she loved having him around. He was such a sweetie and she was so grateful to have him there when her mom got mad at her or that one time that Chance broke up with her or that other time Claire told everyone that she made out with Trevor under the bleachers. “I NEVER did that,” she’d try to explain, but Tom didn’t let off that he cared.
It was the last thing she expected to do that Friday night but she was very happy with her decision. It was like the planets were aligned and for the first time she realized how compatible her sign was with his.
He was slow, careful, respectful and everything that she had wanted. The whole thing was embarrassing, there was no doubt about that, but she was still excited to see Tom again.
***
The bell rings and class is dismissed. High-schoolers flood the atrium.
Jennifer is listening to Claire gossip about something she doesn’t care about. She wishes she wouldn’t be so rude sometimes.
Tom is taking a punishment from Chris as he punches him in the shoulder repeatedly and makes fun of his band hoodie. Chris goes silent for a second and Tom barely notices until he gets shoved again.
“Dammit dude!” Tom runs into someone and turns around to apologize while flicking Chris off.
“Jennifer.” His face is frozen in shock.
“Tom!” She says with the biggest smile.
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay! How are you?!”
“...uh…just...peachy?” Tom says, his face bright red. He shuffles away quickly, leaving Jennifer a bit confused.
“Just peachy?” Chris asks, as they move down the hallway, embarrassed for his friend. “What the fuck dude, you’re so lame! That’s something my grandma would say. Go talk to her, she obviously likes you.”
“Really? You think?” Tom asks.
“Yes! Go!” says Chris with a shove.
Tom chases after Jennifer, his heart racing, holding back a smile.
He’s going to be late to Chemistry but everyone knows that Mrs. Patterson is too old, too deaf and too oblivious to notice. And he doesn’t care; he’s in love. At least he thinks.
"What happened?"
…
"I'm done."
10:00 PM
“Ugh, Claireee…” Tom says under his breath with a hint of disgust.
“Well, thank you," she says sheepishly, not knowing what else to do.
After an embarrassing peck on the cheek, he leaves.
***
"Dude, but I'm pretty sure she was looking at the clock," Tom says shaking his head.
"Nah man, I'm sure she didn't. Don't worry."
"Well I looked. One minute. One fucking minute. Actually, a little less but I have to round up. That's okay, right?"
"Yeah man, chill out. It's happens to everyone. You'll get better and she'll want more," Chris says, nodding and grinning.
Chris is kind of creepy but he's Tom's friend and Tom needs support right now.
It’s been 16 hours now since Tom lost his virginity to Jennifer. Tom has had his eye on Jennifer since the eighth grade. He loved her smile, her eyes, her hair and the way she dressed. She had an annoying voice, everyone thought so too, but he didn’t care.
They started as friends in English class and Tom was always there for her, stuck in the friend zone. He was okay with this though. He figured this was good enough; he thought she was way out of his league anyway.
As terrible as this was, he saw the friend zone as an investment – a term he heard his dad throw around a lot and one that he quickly adopted. It made him feel smart. An investment that he thought, may, pay its dividends (another one of those words) further down the road but one that he was willing to take a loss on if nothing played out.
It was the last thing he expected but he just struck gold. Except, it was like he spent all the gold on one lame night in an arcade instead of a crazy trip to Vegas. It was anticlimactic and he was embarrassed. He had no idea how he’d ever look at Jennifer again.
***
“Claire.”
Jennifer rolls her eyes.
“Claire.”
“CLAIRE,” Jennifer sternly whisper-yells.
Claire is too busy wrapping her lips around a sucker while looking over her shoulder at Jason to hear her name.
Jennifer nudges Claire’s shoulder, says something about how dirty she is and then finally lets it out.
“I lost my virginity last night,” says Jennifer.
“To Jeremy?” she asks.
“Ew! Gross!” Jennifer says. “To Tom.”
“Oh, I would do it with Jeremy,” Claire says, not impressed. “Well, how was it?”
“I was so embarrassed. And kinda scared and it was just like you said it would be and it kinda hurt but it felt good in that weird way like you said and it felt like it lasted forever. I couldn’t look at him though. I looked out the window. At the stars. It was really nice.”
“Eww,” Claire says. “You’re so lame.”
Claire isn’t the best of friends, but she’s Jennifer’s friend and she obviously needs some support right now.
It’s been 16 hours now since Jennifer lost her virginity to Tom. Jennifer has had her eye on Tom for years. Since the eighth grade actually. She didn’t know what it was. Maybe it was his smile, his eyes, his hair or maybe it was the way that he always wore cargo shorts and a hoodie no matter how warm or cold it was outside. Everyone thought he was a little nerdy, and you know what, maybe he was, but she didn’t care.
They started as friends in English class and Tom was always there for her. She had quickly put him in the friend zone but she loved having him around. He was such a sweetie and she was so grateful to have him there when her mom got mad at her or that one time that Chance broke up with her or that other time Claire told everyone that she made out with Trevor under the bleachers. “I NEVER did that,” she’d try to explain, but Tom didn’t let off that he cared.
It was the last thing she expected to do that Friday night but she was very happy with her decision. It was like the planets were aligned and for the first time she realized how compatible her sign was with his.
He was slow, careful, respectful and everything that she had wanted. The whole thing was embarrassing, there was no doubt about that, but she was still excited to see Tom again.
***
The bell rings and class is dismissed. High-schoolers flood the atrium.
Jennifer is listening to Claire gossip about something she doesn’t care about. She wishes she wouldn’t be so rude sometimes.
Tom is taking a punishment from Chris as he punches him in the shoulder repeatedly and makes fun of his band hoodie. Chris goes silent for a second and Tom barely notices until he gets shoved again.
“Dammit dude!” Tom runs into someone and turns around to apologize while flicking Chris off.
“Jennifer.” His face is frozen in shock.
“Tom!” She says with the biggest smile.
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay! How are you?!”
“...uh…just...peachy?” Tom says, his face bright red. He shuffles away quickly, leaving Jennifer a bit confused.
“Just peachy?” Chris asks, as they move down the hallway, embarrassed for his friend. “What the fuck dude, you’re so lame! That’s something my grandma would say. Go talk to her, she obviously likes you.”
“Really? You think?” Tom asks.
“Yes! Go!” says Chris with a shove.
Tom chases after Jennifer, his heart racing, holding back a smile.
He’s going to be late to Chemistry but everyone knows that Mrs. Patterson is too old, too deaf and too oblivious to notice. And he doesn’t care; he’s in love. At least he thinks.
Written by: Daniel Vidal
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Cool
Posted on: July 25, 2013
It was that point in winter when the snow drifts started blocking the view at intersections. In the car on the way home from school, Rocko’s mom cranked the heater up full blast and rolled the windows down. She craned her neck to check for cars, then turned onto their street.
Rocko jammed his hands into the pocket of his hoodie.
“How was school?”
“Fine.”
“Did you learn anything?”
“No.”
Rocko was already out of the car before his mom cut the ignition. He had shit to do, and it didn’t involve shoveling snow or checking on Mrs. Gotwalls next door or having an afternoon snack while he caught his mom up on high school happenings.
Down in the basement, he colored the white rubber toe of his Converse sneaker with a black Sharpie while he waited for the dial up to connect.
On AIM, sn0wbunny86’s away message, purple comic sans with little asterisk accents, told Rocko she was just waiting for someone to sign on:
and if this is what it takes / just to lie with my mistakes / and live with what i did to you /
all the heIl i put you through / i always catch the clock / it's 11:11/ and now you want to talk
He wasn’t going to play into what she wanted just yet. Rocko finished coloring in his shoe.
There it was.
sn0wbunny86: hey
He waited a few seconds. He wouldn’t want her to think him overeager.
sn0wbunny86: whats up?
Okay, now.
orockorocko: nm
sn0wbunny86: school sucked today
orockorocko: completely
sn0wbunny86: i’m so tired!!
orockorocko: yeah
sn0wbunny86: are you tired
orockorocko: i slept in english
sn0wbunny86: lol!! you always get away with stuff
Rocko waved the uncapped Sharpie under his nose and sniffed three times, almost as a joke. He capped the Sharpie and tried to spin it over his thumb like the debate kids. It torpedoed onto the floor behind the desk chair. Next he fiddled with the bent cigarette he’d bummed from some goth kid at school. Rocko didn’t even have a lighter. He’d have to work on that.
orockorocko: not as much as you do lol
Sn0wbunny86 had two classes with Rocko. She lived three blocks away in the same subdivision, Tregaron Oaks III, which sprung up after the identical houses in Tregaron Oaks II had devolved mostly to rentals. Sn0wbunny86’s real name was Heather.
When people asked whether they were together, Rocko shrugged it off. “Whatever,” he’d say. “We’re just friends.”
Heather wasn’t exactly beautiful. She looked like all the other girls in Nebraska. Freckly nose, stringy brown hair, no makeup. Skinny legs and a little bit of a pudge, which she hid under her knockoff North Face.
Nothing physical had happened between them yet. Heather’s parents had a strange no-boys-in-the-house policy, and Rocko’s parents weren’t much better, frantically worrying that his “bad attitude” would send him down the slippery slope of marijuana like his cousin Josh. His parents liked him busy, preferably at church.
But parental paranoia didn’t prevent Heather from stirring up enough tension as sn0wbunny86 to prompt hours of analysis. Heather rehashed everything with her best friend Kristen. When Rocko said she “wasn’t not good looking” what did that mean? Why couldn’t she get him to reveal his feelings on AIM? She even logged in with Kristen’s screen name trying to prompt Rocko to say he liked her, but he didn’t budge.
And yet, they IM’d until 3 AM most nights, continuing their are-we/aren’t-we dance, unless Rocko’s mom saw the light squinting from the basement door and shut the whole operation down, because it’s a school night and what were you even thinking?
sn0wbunny86: i only get away with stuff with you ;)
orockorocko: yeah…lol
sn0wbunny86: soooooooo what are u doing tonight?
Rocko took a deep breath. The pixels in the computer screen were starting to look a little 3D, like a magic eye he’d stared at for too long.
orockorocko: i’m gonna come see you
At the bottom of the IM window, the “sn0wbunny86 is typing…” message flickered on and off like a twitchy light bulb.
A good three minutes. Then her response appeared.
sn0wbunny86: where
All that for one word? Rocko hoped she was anxious, too.
orockorocko: the park. across from the miller’s house
sn0wbunny86: u sure? ummm what time?
orockorocko: 1 AM. i g2g, mom needs the phone
sn0wbunny86: wait hang on
orockorocko: just be there
He signed off. Tilting the desk chair back onto two legs, Rocko reached for the Sharpie on the floor.
His mom opened the basement door.
“You’re going to ruin that chair or crack your head open. Your choice!” his mom called.
“Okay, Mom.”
After dinner, Rocko made a big show of dragging his eight million pound book bag up the stairs to “work on homework.” At ten thirty, wearing pajama pants, he made another show of going to the kitchen for milk and being “really wiped out.” At twelve fifty, Rocko sneaked out the sliding glass door and into the yard.
It was snowing, and the street lamps glowed hazy overhead.
Heather stood on the corner by the Miller’s. She’d brought her family’s dog, Lucky. Good excuse if she got caught.
Rocko reached into the pocket of his hoodie and ran his fingers over his stash. Matches. Cigarette. Spearmint gum, just in case. Sharpie, for some reason.
“I’ve never snuck out before,” Heather tittered.
“I know,” Rocko said.
“Have you?”
“I don’t remember,” Rocko said.
He hadn’t. He hadn’t done anything. He’d never done anything. He’d always been supervised and chauffeured around—jailed. He knew all his friends were probably lying about how far they’d gotten with girls, about the one time their brother bought them beer, but surely something was supposed to happen eventually.
He struck a match and lit the cigarette like he’d seen people do at school, shielding the flame from the falling snow.
“I didn’t know you smoked,” Heather said.
“I mean, sometimes,” Rocko said, trying not to choke.
“Cool,” Heather said. “Can I try it?”
Rocko passed her the cigarette. She held it formally, as if she were clenching a peace sign. She took a drag, letting the smoke drift back out into the freezing air, then passed it back.
“Sorry if I got chapstick on the end,” Heather said. “You know…it’s almost like we’ve kissed now.”
Rocko looked for lip prints on the cigarette paper. He didn’t see anything.
“Yeah,” he said. “I guess it is.”
Photograph By: Yanbo Tang
Written By: Dot Dannenberg
Labels:
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dot dannenberg.
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instant messenger.
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winter.
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This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License
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